You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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