do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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