All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize