He kissed a someone with a penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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