Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
