morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
