I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
