worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
