So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She said her name was "party"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
