i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
