I wish i was in the wii world.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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