It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
