no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
