Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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