I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize