dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
