i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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