I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize