They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
