Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
