I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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