If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Everyone says I win the strip club
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night