I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.