I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
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you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It all started with a game of naked twister.