so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She told me I should be a condom model.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked