she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
