Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
