For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
