Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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