I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
