I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
