The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
