We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You're so nebulous sometimes
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
