i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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