both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
