God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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