were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
