Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
