i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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