Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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