I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
