I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
