does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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