what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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