Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
