I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
