If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I touched a dick in church today
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
