i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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