i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My ass is underappreciated
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
