it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
