He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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