thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
