I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
