We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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