This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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