I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize