I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize