Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize