You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
