Porn is love you can see.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
