Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
