So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
